Don't Kill the Pregnant One
by JenLea
Summary: After Maria gets them lost, Lita, Trish and Victoria have to do the best they can to get back on the road.


Don't Kill the Pregnant One

_The Worst has yet to Come_

Disclaimer: I own no one!

A/N- Jhanelle, thanks for helping me title this!

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"Are we there yet?" Maria whined. Trish closed her eyes, fighting the urge to strangle the pretty Brunette. "It feels like we've been in here forever!"

Trish Stratagias glanced to Amy Dumas. She couldn't help but notice how tightly the woman gripped the steering wheel. Amy was losing patience and she was losing it fast.

"Maria, you're the one who got us lost," Amy murmured, gritting her teeth. "You're not allowed behind the wheel ever again!" Maria rolled her eyes.

Trish squinted, struggling to see through the foggy haze. Maybe she was crazy. There was no way she was seeing what she thought she was seeing.

"Is that Lisa?" Trish asked. Amy glanced up, nodding slowly.

"Thank god!" Lisa Marie Varon exclaimed. "I'm going to kill Maria!" She growled softly, watching Maria pick her head up. "She gave me the wrong directions!"

For Maria's sake, Trish got in back with her. She was pissed because they were lost but Lisa would kill Maria and think nothing of it.

"Oh no!" Lisa exclaimed, glancing into the rear view mirror. "We forgot Candice!"

Amy kept driving.

"Guys, I'm pregnant." Maria blurted out. Amy swerved, almost running off the road. Trish's eyes widened. Had she really heard that? "Six weeks; I think that's why I'm so absent minded,"

Trish found that hard to believe. Maria was absent minded when she WASN'T pregnant. Pregnancy was no excuse for getting them hopelessly lost.

"Lisa, can you hand me my purse?" Maria mumbled, looking quite green. Lisa handed her the Gucci bag. "Preggie Pops, God's gift to pregnant women," She popped a lollipop in her mouth.

Could this trip get any worse? Trish wondered. They were lost on a _bumpy _dirt road. She was stuck in the backseat of a PT Cruiser with a nauseous pregnant woman. What else could go wrong?

The car engine began to smoke. Cursing, Amy pulled off the road as the engine seized. Getting out of the car, Trish glanced to the sky.

"Fuck!" she cursed, throwing her arms up. "How are we stuck in Ala-Fucking-bama?"

"Bad engine!" Lisa exclaimed. "Think Candice is okay?"

"I'm sure she's fine," Trish murmured. Amy popped her head up, wiping a smudge of grease from her cheek. "What's the verdict?"

"This thing's got NO oil!" Amy muttered, kicking the tire. Between Maria vomiting and Lisa humming 'Like a Virgin', Trish didn't even want to think.

"None?" Trish asked, pulling her phone out. She was never more grateful for her Triple A membership.

CALL FAILED

"Fuck!"

Amy sighed, turning the car off. Climbing in the front seat, she reclined. Trish climbed in beside her.

"What a way to spend the night!" Amy commented. "With Pukerella and her fairy Godfriend." Outside, Maria still vomited. Lisa still hummed…_loudly._

A truck slowly passed, before coming to a complete stop. The overwhelming scent of manure overtook Trish's nose.

"I can give you a lift," a man said. Trish glanced to Amy. A ride with a pig farmer? Was that even a good idea?

"Do we have a choice?" Amy asked. "It's hitch a ride with Pig Farmer or starve on the side of the road with Pukey and Pokey." Trish nodded.

The scent of manure made Maria nauseous. The hay made Lisa sneeze. Amy and Trish were stuck in the hay with the caged pigs.

"Ugh, these pigs smell!" Trish squealed. "I smell like a barn!"

"So do I!" Amy exclaimed. She groaned, settling into the hay. "Maybe we could kill the pregnant woman this once,"

Trish understood why Amy wanted to kill Maria. Because of Maria, they were stuck in the back of a pig farmer's truck. The only thing stopping Trish from killing Maria was the fact the other woman was pregnant.

"We can't be too mad," Trish said. "We should have checked the directions before we left,"

"True," Amy replied. "I am exhausted!" Trish nodded in agreement.

"Where are we supposed to sleep?" Trish asked, yawning loudly. Amy shrugged.

"Cross that bridge when we come to it,"

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Where is the Pig Farmer taking them? Will Amy kill Maria? Will Candice ever find her way out of the woods?

These questions answered in the next chapter!


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